Strength in a song

It was my birthday this week!  I am now 21 and can officially get a big girl horizontal license the next time I venture back to NJ.

My friend Cliodhna, who is awesome in all sorts of ways, got us tickets to see Bon Iver at the Grand Canal Theatre in Dublin on the night of my birthday.  I know I'm pretty flowery with words sometimes, but I can't come up with a way to articulate how breathtaking and incredible it was. If you EVER have the chance to go see this band live, don't hesitate for even a second: do it.


You know how some songs just completely transport you back into a memory at the second you hear the first note?  The first song the band played was the opening track off of their new self-titled album.  This song takes me back to earlier this year.  At that time I was just trying to get back into running after months of slowly feeling more and more defeated by my reemerged sickness.  I was on the treadmill every day, struggling to crank out just two slow miles, simply to feel accomplished and alive in the midst of my illness.

I would almost always play this album first thing when my feet hit the treadmill.  You know how those first few steps are always the hardest?  Well, these felt impossible.  But when I would hit 2:32 in this song, I was transformed.  In those moments on the treadmill, no longer feeling dehydrated and tired, I went from defeated to unstoppable.  The energy at that moment in this song is overwhelming, and it made me feel like I could do anything.

Now, whenever I hear this song, I slip right back into that feeling of empowerment.  Whatever I am struggling with at the time, whether it be a bout of homesickness or the first mile of a run, I know that I can not just overcome it, but that I can thrive in it and make it mine.

I know it might not have the same effect on everyone, but it might have one on you.  Give this song a listen from the beginning.  It just might change your life ;)

Embracing the pain: how to survive a hell of a tempo

I’m back on a marathon training schedule, and it feels good.  Today called for my first tempo run in what feels like forever, but actually has only been two months or so.  

The plan was 1 mile warm up, 4 miles at 7:53 pace, 1 mile cool down.  In July and August, this would have been a pleasantly zippy run that wouldn’t have left me entirely breathless.  This time around though, it was tough.

I did, however, manage these splits:

9:03   7:49   7:54   7:43   7:34   9:30

I’ll admit right here and now, this was too ambitious of a pace for me right now.  Considering that I am just coming off of injury, I should have calculated my expectations for this workout differently.  However, I am stubborn and was unwilling to change my plan once I hit the road and actually managed some pretty sweet splits in the end. (Admission: I did have to stop a few times to toss my cookies, so my legs got a few seconds to recharge each time.  Puking is a normalcy for me, though, and isn’t necessarily an indicator of effort.  Also, have you ever thought about how difficult it is to puke discretely in an urban environment?)

I was really struggling on this run, but I got myself through with good results by employing some mental strategies.  I have been doing this more and more as I have been taking my workouts more seriously over the last year, and brain games really help me through the rough patches.  

When it comes down to it, your body is going to perform as well as you allow it in runs like this.  Sometimes all you need to bring out what you have deep inside you is a change in your thought patterns while you’re pounding it out.

So, without further ado: 

How to survive a bitch of a tempo, as prescribed by me:

1.  Focus on your form

When I am doing a speedy run and am really hurting, I try to take the energy that I am using to focus on my discomfort and use it instead to zero in on my form. Today I found that I was telling myself, “knees, knees, knees,” for a solid five minutes, focusing entirely on my knee lift for that period of time.

Are your knees lifting high enough to reflect the pace that you are aiming for?  Are you running tall with your chest forward? Are your arms swinging with the pace of your feet, elbows bent at 90º?  Are landing on and launching off of your forefoot?  Basically, it comes down to: are you running proudly?  

Running proudly and with the proper form, first of all gives your brain something practical and active to focus on, and secondly helps you run faster without really realizing it or putting in extra effort.  

After snapping out of my knee lift focus today, I glanced down at my watch and noticed that my pace had gone from 7:52 to 7:44 like it was nothing.  I even felt like I was running easier than I was before I started my form stint.  Look, guys, “knees, knees, knees,” works!

2. No negative self talk

Growing up playing a lot of sports, I’ve had a lot of different coaches with a variety of coaching styles...  the screaming tyrants to the coaxing buddy buddies.  And now, as my own coach, I’ve found that neither of these methods get me anywhere.  If I talk myself down in a workout, (i.e. “why can’t I keep that pace? I absolutely suck.  If I don’t make this next split I am giving up on myself.”) I will crumble and fail.  If I am too easy on myself, (i.e. “it’s okay if I slow down a bit here, I’m doing what I can.  Slow and steady works in the end,”) I don’t push hard enough and I am disappointed with myself later.  

To achieve great workouts, you have to encourage yourself. 

“I know I can do this.  I am a runner.  This is tough, but it’s what I’m made for.”

You can not grow as a runner or person if you are constantly talking yourself down.  On the other hand, you can’t cushion yourself too much either.  You have to find a medium between the screaming tyrant and the coaxing buddy buddy: push yourself but don’t beat yourself up.  Know that you can achieve more and bring yourself to a higher level, but don’t go screaming at yourself or throwing your lacrosse stick across the field when the going gets tough.  I mean, uh, don’t go throwing your running shoes across the street.

If you ever find yourself thinking negative thoughts, or having a general negative attitude towards yourself or your performance during a run, STOP it.  You're getting nowhere with that crap.

3. Embrace the pain

No beating around the bush here: running hurts.  But there is a beauty in that.  

This is WHY you train.  You work for this pain so that you can become a stronger runner and a better person.  You aren’t just lollygagging around the block to look good in a bikini.  You are testing your limits to compete against yourself, to achieve something you thought you never could.  You are kicking ASS.  If a tempo run hurts, you know that you are working towards something great.  

Make it worth it; make that hour of sheer hurt count.  Work through every step of that workout and build yourself into something great.

This mindset is especially helpful to tap into in the last mile of your tempo, when you feel like all hope for survival has been lost, or, god forbid, that it’s not worth it anymore.  It is worth it.  Keep going.

Anyway, I hope these mental techniques help you.  They sure help me.  Badabing badaboom.

Happy running!

Marathon training, here I come

Today is day 1 of my 16-week marathon training plan!  My hip is finally starting to cooperate with me and it's time to get going.

I've chosen a pretty non-traditional race in terms of season, and will (fingers crossed) be running the Midwinter Marathon in Apeldoorn, Netherlands.  I wouldn't ideally choose to run a marathon in sub-zero temperatures, but missing out on the Dublin Marathon has been getting me down and I need to work towards something.  Plus, I may not be living in Ireland this time next year, and I want to get in as many European races as I can!  One last winning point for this race: running a marathon at the beginning of February allows me enough time to rest and train for a late-spring race as well.

It's just starting to turn frosty here in Dublin, so I'm going to have to get acclimated to running in the cold pretty quickly.  I'm cool with that (...bah-dum chhhh).  When training for my first marathon, I remember running a 7 mile tempo outside in the middle of a blizzard, through 2 feet of snow, because the roads and gyms were closed and I couldn't get to a treadmill.  Paces weren't quite accurate, but it was an experience and one thing is for sure: running through extreme weather toughens you up and makes you proud to be as crazy as you are.  So, Midwinter Marathon, bring it on!

My training plan is very mild, as I'm still very wary of my hip.  Only four runs per week for now- one tempo or speed session, one long, and two easy.  I'll be cross training on the other days.  Once I build strength and am sure my hip isn't going to wig out, I'll add another speed session.

I have a time goal in mind, but I'll reassess in a few weeks to see that it is feasible.  I (think) am okay with loosening up my expectations on myself this time around- this is a serious reintroduction for me and I am legitimately scared of injuring myself again. If I play my cards right and don't push too hard, I could get a strong race out of this one and be ready to train for a speedy one in May or June.  We'll see how it goes!

RECIPE: Who needs gluten when you have nutella?

A few months ago, I went on a gluten-free kick to see if wheat/gluten was the underlying cause of some of my tummy troubles.  After a few weeks, I didn’t see any difference in the behavior of my lovely stomach and stopped my ban. 

My sister Jacqui, however, has found out that gluten is in fact the root of her digestive woes.  So lately I have been dabbling with gluten-free baking, just to see if I can get the hang of it.  

Whether it’s the caring sister in me, or the need to conquer every non-traditional challenge that I can be faced with (it’s both), I’ve been experimenting and coming up with some tasty results.

I made a batch of gluten free nutella brownies yesterday on a whim and they were a huge success.  All of my housemates (none of whom are GF and some of whom think gluten-free = taste-free) gobbled them up.  That is the definition of a gluten-free win.

So I decided to make another batch today and make a photo guide so that you can enjoy these moist, delicious treats yourself.

***DISCLAIMER:  I... interpret recipes very loosely.  Stuck between british and american measurement units, I do not measure.  I sort of create as I go and add things by feel, so I’ve done my best to give you some sort of quantities to reference if you try making these.***

Okay.  Here we go!

Sarah's Measure-Free Gluten-Free NUTELLA Brownies

(dedicated to Jacqui)

Things you will need:

Light brown sugar (approximately 1/2 cup)

2 eggs

Some vanilla extract (a teaspoon or two)

A bunch of nutella (most of a 300g jar)

Butter, melted (approximately 1/2 cup)

Gluten-free flour mixture (approximately 1/2 cup)

**I used Doves Farm Plain White Flour Blend- I’ll go over the components to it later**

Salt (~1/4 teaspoon)

A dash of milk (lactose free, soy, normal, or whatever)

A few drops of water

Brown sugar of some quantity, 2 eggs, and some vanilla

Beat together brown sugar, eggs, and vanilla.  I don’t have an electric mixer so I just went at it with a spoon until it was blended together.  It looks runny, icky, and awful after this part.  That’s okay.

Next, add nutella.  A LOT of nutella.  The first time, I used about 3/4 of a 400g jar. Shay said the nutella taste wasn’t really distinct (even though the brownies were bitchin’) so this time I used nearly the whole jar.  Just enough left over the spread on a banana.. mmm =]

Nutella all mixed in!

Anyway, beat that in until everything is combined.  Now it’ll start lookin good... really good.

Now it’s time to add in the melted butter.  I am guessing I used about 1/2 cup, but really, the best measurement I can give you is “about this much”:

"this much" butter.  Or.. ~ 1/2 cup.

You alternately add in the flour and butter a little at a time, stirring very well each time.

Doves Farm gluten free plain white flour bend

This is the flour I used.  I am not sure if this particular brand/blend is available in the states, but here are its contents:

Rice, potato, tapioca, maize, and buckwheat flours

Okay, so, like I said, add a little bit of the melted butter, mix really well, add a sprinkle of flour, and repeat until the butter is gone and there is enough flour in there so that it looks like cake batter.  Oh, add the salt and mix really well at some point, too.

So, here is where I got a little  experiemental.  As you could see in that picture of the flour bag, there is an advisory that the recipes will need more liquid than typical with normal wheat flour.

I added a splash of milk to thin it up a little.

Now, while wheat isn’t an issue for me, milk is.  I used soy milk in the brownies last night and today I used lactose free.  The main purpose of this addition is just to thin the batter up, so it doesn’t really matter what kind of milk you use.

The milk added to the batter

Sorry for the gross picture.  I just wanted to reference how much milk I added

To thin it up just a little more, to be safe, add a few drops of water.  Only very little water at a time, stirring completely before adding any more.  I stop adding water when I am happy with the consistency- it should be runnier than normal brownie batter, but only slightly.

Ahhh.. that's just right.

Aww yeah.  You might be thinking at this stage that the batter really looks good enough to eat... and you’d be right ;)

Then grease up a tin.  We don’t have the right size (I’m pretty sure this recipe lends itself to a 9” tin), so I just use this slightly smaller one and load ‘er up, expecting thick brownies (nothing wrong with that).

Drop that bad boy into a preheated oven (150ºC on convection.. approximately 300ºF).  It takes about 40 minutes to bake, though I think that varies.  You will know it’s done when it has puffed up a good bit, doesn’t jiggle when you shake the tin, and that beautiful brownie crust starts cracking ever so slightly across the top.

Perfect!

Wait a little while, cut them up, and amaze your GF and non-GF friends, family, and significant others with your baking wizardry!

Badabing badaboom.. finished product.

Enjoy!  And don't fret over the empty jar of nutella.. it has served a purposeful life.

Yummy brownies = happy couples. It's simple math.

Houston, we have a layout

I am so proud of myself.  Tired of looking at that ugly brown and those stupid birds for so long, I finally dove into this design tab on blogger and managed to play with a layout and make my blog something somewhat more pleasing to my eyeballs.

If you can guess what inspired the color combination, I will personally bake you a batch of the most bangin' cookies your taste buds have ever experienced.  I will also give you a high five and maybe we can go for a run together sometime, because you are awesome.

Also, I think I'm pretty clever for splitting up a quote in the header and footer of the page.  So check that out- it's pretty much my favorite quote ever and really sums up how I feel about life, and the idea of defining one's self.  It's really the driving point behind a lot of what I do.



In other news, I have decided three things regarding my future.
1. I want to go back to college next year.
2. I know what I want to study.
3. I know where I want to study.
Now to just apply, write an excellent essay, and get in touch with the cross country coach.

I'm excited :)

Risky experimentation: a run and a nesquik coffee

Fed up with not running, I decided yesterday was as good a day as any to give a test run another go.
I have a nagging worry that I should keep from pounding my hip until I am absolutely 100% sure that it is completely healed.  I also have this hugely looming concern that just one mile too many will set me back weeks in returning to my former runner self (again).

But, my current frame of mind is this:  I need to run.

I am treating it as an experiment.  And really, there are only two potential hip-related results in reintroducing the activity:
a. My hip will hurt.
b. My hip will not hurt.

If a turns out to be the case, I honestly need to stop playing and go get an MRI to scope out any cartilage tears or bursitis or whatever. I have definitely rested enough for a hip flexor tear to heal.  Waiting and waiting and waiting for a muscular injury to heal when it is actually not a muscular injury at all would just be a giant, continued waste of time.
And if b is true, well jeez I'd better start taking advantage of my healthy body and find my bliss again.

So anyway, I ran 4 miles yesterday.  It was awesome.
Day after results: slight sensitivity in both my hips (wait what?).  Not enough to send me to the big magnetic donut, but enough to let me know I need to proceed with caution.
I am only going to let myself run every other day while I am still testing things out and I am going to get closer to my foam roller than I ever have before.

I'm trying not to let myself get too excited about running again.  I don't want to be too optimistic and end up overdoing it.  But it's hard to contain that excitement.   Something magical happens when I run.  I feel at home in my own body again.  I felt so within the very first minute of that run.  It's a good feeling.



Anyway, my other risky experiment:  nesquik coffee.

I've had this (weird?) habit of mixing ovaltine into my coffee for a while.  It's good, you should try it.  But we've been out of ovaltine for a while and I keep forgetting to pick some more up, so I've just been rocking a cup (or two or three) of black coffee or with added soy milk (so much tastier than lactose-free milk in coffee in my humble opinion) lately, depending on my mood.
But today I wanted ovaltine in my coffee, god dammit.  We didn't have any, of course, so I added powdered chocolate nesquik.

Result?
Interesting.  Chocolatey.  Not ovaltiney but decent enough... I guess.
I think tomorrow I'll stick to the black stuff, though.

Sometimes all you need is some rhythm

I ran my first half about three years ago, in preparation for my first 26.2.  Despite the name of the race's location (Rocky Hill, NY), I did not anticipate any of its hills.  I ran it with a stomach bug.  I was an energy gel novice.  I trudged along very, very slowly.

At one very difficult section of the race, I was struggling a lot.  There was a guy just behind me and to my left.  His feet were pounding along the pavement very loudly, and he was clearly as exhausted as I was.  But to accompany his tired footsteps, he sang, between breaths and like a metronome, Johnny Cash's Folsom Prison Blues. The sadness of the song and the exhausted perseverance in his voice matched the tone of my tired, buzzing brain and methodically pounding feet perfectly.  His song was the fuel that somehow uplifted and carried me along the last five or six miles with a greater spirit, to a relatively strong finish.

To this day, whenever I am in a rough patch of a race or a run, my mind starts playing Folsom Prison Blues, and it eases me into the rhythm that I need.  Slow and steady, that song gets me through.

Back in the pool

I think I forgot to mention... Remember how happy I was a week or two ago to be back running?

Well, my hip was bugging me a lot after even the shortest and easiest of runs.  I've decided to back off again and cross train hard while it heals completely.  If I can't run 3 miles without pain and worry of injuring myself further, I would rather be sweating it out on the elliptical and swimming for an eternity so that I can come back strong and at a better capability to go for "real" runs.

I had a goal to run a sub-21 5k as a present to myself for my 21st birthday (October 20th).  Now I am just hoping that I can run happily, worry and pain free by then.

It's a bummer having this injury drag on for so long, but I'm more optimistic about it now.  As I tweeted this morning, "Another Saturday without a long run. But I will be back soon enough and I will savor every mile."

And I will.

Live for today; train for tomorrow

I had a little revelation last night.  Said revelation can be summed up in one neat little sentence.

Live for today; train for tomorrow. 

Being injured has turned me into a strange creature, spastically fixated on the future.  Part of me feels like this entire autumn running season has been wasted and that I am currently just in a waiting game to start working on my "real" goals.  That awful attitude is me being dismissive of the present.   I have not been honoring each new day for what it is, because before I even wake up in the morning I have already decided that it is not the day that will bring me what I really want.

And you know what?  That's crap.

Taking time to draw out a long-term plan is an awesome thing to do, especially when you need to feel that there is a light at the end of the injured tunnel.  But focusing on the long term goals too intensely has turned me into a pompous jerk who thinks that today is not good enough for her.  It has also been getting me down- making me feel unworthy because right now I am nowhere near where I would like to be.  The days have kind of been a drag.  Because I cannot directly work on my running and racing at this current time, I just want to get through the day so that I am a day closer to running again and being proud of myself for my progress.  And, yes, each day that passes brings me closer to the big picture goals, but days are not just boxes to be crossed off on the calendar.  They are opportunities to actively engage myself in daily milestones, enjoy each day for its individual challenges, and to congratulate myself on the little things.

I am going to write down my long-term goals, in pen on a piece of paper, and leave that piece of paper somewhere.  I will know where it is, I will know what my goals are, but I pledge from now on that all of my active mental energy will be devoted to the smaller things- the daily, weekly, and monthly goals that will help me someday come within grasping distance of the Big Picture.

I went to sleep last night with this new viewpoint in mind, unarticulated but present.  I slept more soundly than I have in the past few months, and I was excited to wake up this morning.  I know already that if I can harness this new carpe diem state of mind, I will evolve into not just a stronger athlete, but a more stable and happy person... a person ready to chase those big goals.

Inspired by a Runner

I am hacking away at my running rehab.   Every step makes me feel a little bit more like myself and makes me want to go a little bit further.  I love that I can look outside again and note how ideal the weather is for a run, without having a little pang of sadness immediately following the observation (side note: I am seeing the world through rose-colored running glasses lately.  ALL weather looks like perfect running weather to me.  A good attitude to have in rainy Dublin).  I have been "back" for two days, running happily and without consequence, but yesterday morning I woke up with a pain in my leg.

I was terrified. I walked around on it for a bit, and after a bit of worrying and self diagnosing via Google, I decided to go stretch it out at the gym and see how I felt.

I walked there with light shooting pains and got to work once I arrived.  After doing some weights, stretching, rolling, and a bit of swimming, my leg felt much better.  Panic over; it had just been a little bit stiff.  The same way it was after my first returned run, just a little bit worse.  Nothing a little bit of care and stretching can't fix.  Feeling fresh, I decided to head out for a small run.

I stepped out the door telling myself to run one mile.  I had already run six since my reintroduction to running and I didn't want to push it.  I walked to the park, to my grass-floored safe haven, and decided maybe I could run two.  It was so nice out.  I set my stuff down in the field that I was running on and told myself that maybe I could squeeze out three.  I wanted to get back to my normal mileage as soon as possible, after all.

So away I went, putting one foot in front of another for my little warm-up jog.  There was another runner doing circles around the field that I was cutting back and forth across.  He was fast.  His shorts revealed strong, practiced legs, and his brightly-colored shoes carried his body expertly and smoothly across the grass.  His posture was perfect and, essentially, he flew.

Immediately, I wanted to run like him.  I wanted to stop my silly jog and let myself go.  I wanted to find that pace that made me feel like a swiftly working machine and hold onto it, floating above the ground, feeling unstoppable with a speeding heart and a stable mind.

And then, before I had a chance to realize it, that fellow runner's beautiful form and speed inspired me... to stop running.

I finished my run after one very slow and meticulous mile.  I paid very careful attention to my form and made sure that my injured leg was behaving normally.  I did not rush and I did not push harder than I was sure my tender hip could handle.  I finished feeling strong, not beat, and happy with what I had accomplished in that run.

This run, this entire period of my running life, is not about finding my speed or running like a pro.  It is about slowing down and concentrating on what I am doing, easing my body back into doing what I love so that I can be stronger in the future.  I am building from the ground up so I can someday float at the peak of my potential more permanently, instead of crashing down with injury after one 'good' run or one 'good' race.

If I want to fly across the ground tomorrow, I have to be careful with what I am doing today.

Thank you, faster runner, for reminding me what I am working towards.

I. Am. ECSTATIC!

Since my last whiney post about my hip, there has been a lot of improvement.  Over the last week, the problem really turned from being strictly a sharp hip pain to general stiffness and seizing up of the rest of my leg, especially outer and inner quads.  My hip was healing,  but the rest of my upper leg was still working way harder than it normally would have to to get me around.  Luckily enough, that slight problem can be fixed with massage and foam rolling, both of which I have been doing and....

I CAN RUN AGAIN!

I can't full-out train or rush up to my normal mileage just yet.  My PT gave me a checkpoint-type list of 7 running drills, some with sub-drills, to work on.  They all involve slow, straight-lined running and gradual introduction of hills, turns, and increased speed.
I went out for my first "run" last night.  Shay came along to watch over in case anything went wrong and to yell at me to stop if my gait started looking funny (I was warned that I had to be very careful for pain or signs of decreased range of motion- these runs are more tests to see if my hip is ready to return to running than anything else).
Long story short, it was slow, but it was glorious.  No hip pain!  And I even felt stronger and more stable than I remember feeling on past runs.  My bum and hip exercises have done me wonders of good.

I have to run on grass for a while and the only place we could get to at the hour that we went out was a field in the middle of a 0.3 mile loop road.  So I just ran the 0.1 mile straight down the middle of it, back and forth, over and over, following the drill instructions, for 2.5 miles.  Repetitive, potentially boring, but I have never been happier.

Anyway, once I work through my slow and easy test run list (could take 3 days to a week), I can return to normal but abbreviated running.   I can start out at a 20 mile week and am supposed to take four weeks to get to 30 mpw and another four weeks to get up to 40 mpw.  I'll be continuing with the cross training that I have been doing so that I can be fit enough to get a few good races in before the year is out.


Let me tell you, I don't mind that my running has to be through boring drills for now and that my mileage will not be as high as I would like for quite some time.  I am just so intensely happy to get out the door and to put one foot in front of the other.
That's the silver lining to injuries- once on the mend, they renew your attitudes towards your running self to something completely pure.  The second you are out in the fresh air to run again, whatever emotional stress or expectations you normally lay on yourself disappear.  You are left alone with only the overwhelming thrill of movement.

Now, if you'll excuse me; it's a beautiful day for a run.

We All Have Our Quirks

Confession.  I have spent a good portion of the last 4 years becoming a total and complete running shoe nerd.  From the technologies to the marketing campaigns, every aspect of this sector of consumerism catches my attention.  I mean, I really can't think of another general product out there to which variation and personalization is so important (besides, maybe, coffee.  But that comparison is for another post).  There is a shoe for every runner, there is a shoe for every type of running.

Anyway.  I can subsequently identify the make and model of almost any pair of running sneaks that I see out in public, oftentimes by just a glance.  Should I be embarrassed of this?  Maybe.  Am I?  NOPE.

Diving into a pile of running shoes > diving into a pile of leaves
(photo via humanbeingactive.org)

I have been finding myself stuck inside for my workouts more and more lately and have thus come up with a good few ways to keep myself entertained in the static scenery of the gym.  Yeah, there are the typical methods- music, daydreaming, concentrating on the workout at hand much more intensely than necessary, etc.  Then there's the ever popular game of people watching.. but I don't exactly people watch.  Get ready for this: I shoe watch.  Weird?  Whatever!  The gym just so happens to house a lot of feet donning these pieces of technology, and I like to test my shoe IQ.

I, sort of involuntarily, have little internal conversation with myself about the shoes I see.  Make, model, characteristics, comparable shoes, type of running the person might be doing, things I like or dislike about that certain shoe, and, sometimes, whether a person would notice if I slipped a particularly nice pair off of their feet and ran...

And you know what?   You'd be amazed by the trends you notice in a crowd based off of the exercise gear on their feet.  I could go on and on about the observations I make about people's feet in the gym.  ...but I guess I won't.

And here goes my attempt to get a conversation going in my dull and lifeless blog:  Do you have any weird quirks or habits, related to running, the gym, or anything else?  I know I don't have many (any?) readers, but hey- you're reading this!  Cmon and leave some feedback, let me know I'm not alone in my bizarre behaviors.  Or just let me know how freakin weird I am.



P.S. Speaking of my running shoe obsession.. these just might be next on my list.

Brooks Launch.  Aww yeah.

(and so the Mizuno-Sarah-Brooks love triangle continues...)

Recent not-so-hip happenings

So.  I’m injured.  If you follow me on Twitter, my incessant whining and bitching would make it hard for you to not know this already.  

Last week, I had the most painful run of my life.

I stepped out of the door and was immediately overwhelmed by how gorgeous it was outside.  I soaked in some beautiful, autumn air. (Yes, it’s been cold enough to be autumn here for nearly a month now, but it’s now just getting to the nice transitionary phase between seasons that I love.  It’s the time of year where you can smell that the leaves are about to change; when most afternoons play with your senses to send you back to excited memories of Halloween evenings of your childhood.  At least, that’s what they do for me.)  The sun was laying down the perfect amount of warmth to counteract the crisp air, and the wind was blowing so slightly.  It was absolutely perfect running weather.

I have had an ache and occasional stabbing feeling in my hip for a while now.  I’ve rested it on and off and have gotten no relief, so I had been running through the pain for a while.  Running seemed to loosen it up and make it feel better, so I saw no reason to stop and was running on an injured leg for a few weeks.  Even though it was more painful than usual on this day, the weather was beautiful and I had a lot of energy.  I had a desire to run that pain couldn’t kill, so I trudged along anyway.  A half mile later, my hip did not warm up like it had been doing for the past few weeks. I felt like I was dragging my entire right leg along behind me.  The effort I was putting forward felt like a full-blown race pace, but my Garmin was reporting to me the slowest mile splits that I have run in years.  

Eventually I just couldn’t do it anymore.  I ended up in a park, laying on the grass trying to stretch out my hip and wake it the hell up.  I got no relief out of my funky stretches and looked up to see a dozen runners of all shapes and sizes exploring the park around me.  I wanted nothing more than to be one of them, running painlessly and carefree.  It felt like it had been months since I had experienced the blissful freedom of a run.  I was shackled by this hip stiffness and pain. I won’t lie to you: I cried.  There is no worse feeling than ending a run when you have so much left in you.  There is no worse pain than losing the joy of running.

(Dramatic anecdote over with) 

I made my first ever visit to a sports injury clinic the next day.  The physical therapist there did a quick analysis and said that I had either torn my hip flexor or have a case of bursitis.  She said that it would be best to try out treatment for the flexor before going for an expensive MRI to find out it if was bursitis, which would require a steroid injection to the hip joint (a much bigger deal than PT).

So she has been massaging my upper leg and giving me exercises to do while I give my hip a chance to heal.  I can do absolutely no running.  Yes, those words sounded like a death sentence.  I can, however, swim laps in the pool, which I have been doing religiously to maintain some sort of fitness.  It feels like I have been banned from running for a lifetime now, but it has only been a week.  Longest week of my LIFE.

Bad news: I haven’t felt any improvement in my hip so far.  Walking is very painful and if I ever have to pick up my pace to a light jog to catch a bus or something, it’s hell.  I will probably have to go for an MRI next week and find out if it’s bursitis or something more serious.  I have no idea when I’ll be able to run again.

Good news:  In a way, this break from running is kind of a good thing.  Kind of.  Maybe I’m grasping at straws to find a silver lining so that I can slow my spiraling runningless depression, but I am encountering a few positives to this situation.  

1. I have a lot more time to spend in the weight room.  I have been working on full body fitness and toning and I feel pretty good.  I’ve also been doing core work like it’s my job and I am starting to see the beginnings of a reemerged six pack :)
2. The PT exercises that I have to do to strengthen my hip were hell at first, but I’ve gotten a lot stronger in my hips, butt, and lower back.  Two benefits here: firstly, this will keep my hips more stable while I am running, which will prevent a re-injury.  Secondly, my nothing-to-write-home-about butt has turned into something I wouldn’t mind showing off in a pair of spandex shorts ;)
3. I am broadening my cardio horizons!  I kind of hate swimming sometimes, but since it is all that I am allowed, I am really learning how to get a good workout out of it.  For example, I did what I’ll call a tempo swim today. Translating running workouts to the pool makes the time spent there a lot more tolerable.
4. Most significantly, I am learning, yet again, how much running means to me.  I appreciate that I have been graced with a body that can bring me so much joy through my chosen sport, and I will be so thrilled when it is healthy enough to run again.  I won’t have any shortage of motivation to get out there every day once I am allowed back on the roads.

So there’s my current dilemma and the good things that are coming from the bad.  Hopefully I will be running again sooner rather than later and I will be able to run a few shorter races towards the end of the fall season.  I have been doing a lot of thinking about my future in terms of college and in running.  I would really like to work on my 5 and 10k times now so that I might be able to worm my way onto a cross country team back in the states next year.  I have my eye set on one school in particular, but that’s for a later post.

Sidenote:  I think that I should take this moment to put out a big thank you to my boyfriend Shay.  

When I started running, my mom was always the one supporting me, listening to me babble about my workouts, driving with me to races, waiting for me at the finish line, getting the food in me that I needed to succeed in my little conquests. She sure let me know how hard it is to be the pit crew of a distance runner, and I will always be grateful for the hours that she spent supporting me and for the patience that she had in enduring my mood swings throughout a training season and individual race days.  (love you, mom!) 

But poor Shay has more of a choice in sticking around throughout my insanity than my mom has had, and, he's still here!  I have been somewhat of a nightmare during this injured period, and he has been a serious trooper.  So, thank you, Shay.  For the swimsuit and goggles, and for your patience as I try very hard not to be a bloodsucking demon in my endorphin-deprived state.

So that’s that.  Another self-centered post.  I promise I won’t make this a habit.

2011- The Year of the Half

It has been a strange year so far.  Good and bad things have happened.  Good things have come as the consequence of some bad things, and I have learned a lot. I’ve grown  closer to the important people in my life and I have grown closer to myself.  Six weeks ago, I was feeling very accomplished and very much on track.  Recently I have felt like I’ve slipped.

I started racing again this past spring after two years of casual maintenance running.  I ran four half marathons in less than three months and I managed to PR each time, improving by almost twenty minutes from my first race in May to my most recent in July.  I came off the most recent race feeling very strong and ready to start training for a fall marathon, prepared to smash my two and a half year old marathon time and dive back into this sport with momentum.  But a lot has been happening, and like I said, I slipped.

A sweet shot from a recent 15 miler in Killarney, Ireland.
Check out those Mushas ;)

I have been fighting tooth and nail to balance my life and have been yoyo-ing with injury for the past few weeks.  I just moved three and a half thousand miles from my home and am overwhelmed readjusting to this secondary home while trying to organize my future.  I have had a lot on my plate.  Runs have been skipped, core and strength training has gone amiss.  My goal marathon is in 11 weeks and I’m finding myself to be far from the shape that I need to be in order to achieve the goals that I have had set in my mind for months.

11 weeks out, my goal of finishing the Dublin marathon in 3:22 is no longer realistic.  In order to come in even 20 minutes of the time I have been dreaming of, I would have to ramp up the intensity and mileage in my training very quickly and drastically right now.  The diehard runner in me, the do-anything-for-the-dream fighter, wants me to do that.  But the pain in my hip and the long term dreams that follow me throughout each and every run and sleep are convincing me to shush this wild side and approach this racing season differently- more intelligently, more safely, and with the big picture in mind.

I am almost embarrassed to say, much less put in writing, that I would like to someday be a sponsored runner, run sub-3:00, run with the elites (or on their heels. or somewhere in the same timezone as their heels).  It’s a laughable notion, really.  But I am a fighter.  I am stubborn, and I am passionate.  The love that I have for this sport runs (excuse to pun) deeper than I could describe.  With a long term plan, intelligent decisions, and maintenance of the grit that has brought me this far, not just through running but through the strange events of my life, I can achieve whatever I want.  It will take years on end, but my physical (running) accomplishments will some day match the fight that I have inside of me.

So here I go with those intelligent decisions.  Now is the time for me to build some very solid groundwork for future marathon training. It is not the time to rush out 2 and a half months of hasty, risky work to achieve a marathon time that I am not fully content with.  At the risk of injury to my body and my psyche, it is not worth it to run this marathon.

It is more important to me right now to relax into a gradual increase in training.  I want to start from the ground up and build myself into a better runner.  To do this, I need to take a step back.  I need to make more modest time and distance goals and focus on the little things in my every day running routine.  If I take my time now, I know that I will be stronger and more prepared to take on bigger goals in the coming months and years.  And did I mention nutrition?  Still have to get that under control.

I have chosen a half marathon in early December that I can set my focus on.  It is not a big race with a lot of spectators, it is not a course with a gorgeous view.  It is just timed exactly right.  I will spend the next 17 weeks really getting my strength, speed and rhythm back (and PRing the shit out that 13.1) before going all out for a spring marathon and getting close to that 3:00 that I am reaching for.

It’s almost crushing to think that I won’t be running the Dublin marathon this year; I have been envisioning the finish line of this race for longer than I can say.  But I am setting myself up for a bigger future in running, and whatever that ends up meaning is okay with me.  It’s not all about one finish line.

P.S. I know that I've neglecting this running blog, but it's time to revive it!  I've got a lot to talk about, and I promise it won't all be so serious and self-centered :)