Back in the pool

I think I forgot to mention... Remember how happy I was a week or two ago to be back running?

Well, my hip was bugging me a lot after even the shortest and easiest of runs.  I've decided to back off again and cross train hard while it heals completely.  If I can't run 3 miles without pain and worry of injuring myself further, I would rather be sweating it out on the elliptical and swimming for an eternity so that I can come back strong and at a better capability to go for "real" runs.

I had a goal to run a sub-21 5k as a present to myself for my 21st birthday (October 20th).  Now I am just hoping that I can run happily, worry and pain free by then.

It's a bummer having this injury drag on for so long, but I'm more optimistic about it now.  As I tweeted this morning, "Another Saturday without a long run. But I will be back soon enough and I will savor every mile."

And I will.

Live for today; train for tomorrow

I had a little revelation last night.  Said revelation can be summed up in one neat little sentence.

Live for today; train for tomorrow. 

Being injured has turned me into a strange creature, spastically fixated on the future.  Part of me feels like this entire autumn running season has been wasted and that I am currently just in a waiting game to start working on my "real" goals.  That awful attitude is me being dismissive of the present.   I have not been honoring each new day for what it is, because before I even wake up in the morning I have already decided that it is not the day that will bring me what I really want.

And you know what?  That's crap.

Taking time to draw out a long-term plan is an awesome thing to do, especially when you need to feel that there is a light at the end of the injured tunnel.  But focusing on the long term goals too intensely has turned me into a pompous jerk who thinks that today is not good enough for her.  It has also been getting me down- making me feel unworthy because right now I am nowhere near where I would like to be.  The days have kind of been a drag.  Because I cannot directly work on my running and racing at this current time, I just want to get through the day so that I am a day closer to running again and being proud of myself for my progress.  And, yes, each day that passes brings me closer to the big picture goals, but days are not just boxes to be crossed off on the calendar.  They are opportunities to actively engage myself in daily milestones, enjoy each day for its individual challenges, and to congratulate myself on the little things.

I am going to write down my long-term goals, in pen on a piece of paper, and leave that piece of paper somewhere.  I will know where it is, I will know what my goals are, but I pledge from now on that all of my active mental energy will be devoted to the smaller things- the daily, weekly, and monthly goals that will help me someday come within grasping distance of the Big Picture.

I went to sleep last night with this new viewpoint in mind, unarticulated but present.  I slept more soundly than I have in the past few months, and I was excited to wake up this morning.  I know already that if I can harness this new carpe diem state of mind, I will evolve into not just a stronger athlete, but a more stable and happy person... a person ready to chase those big goals.

Inspired by a Runner

I am hacking away at my running rehab.   Every step makes me feel a little bit more like myself and makes me want to go a little bit further.  I love that I can look outside again and note how ideal the weather is for a run, without having a little pang of sadness immediately following the observation (side note: I am seeing the world through rose-colored running glasses lately.  ALL weather looks like perfect running weather to me.  A good attitude to have in rainy Dublin).  I have been "back" for two days, running happily and without consequence, but yesterday morning I woke up with a pain in my leg.

I was terrified. I walked around on it for a bit, and after a bit of worrying and self diagnosing via Google, I decided to go stretch it out at the gym and see how I felt.

I walked there with light shooting pains and got to work once I arrived.  After doing some weights, stretching, rolling, and a bit of swimming, my leg felt much better.  Panic over; it had just been a little bit stiff.  The same way it was after my first returned run, just a little bit worse.  Nothing a little bit of care and stretching can't fix.  Feeling fresh, I decided to head out for a small run.

I stepped out the door telling myself to run one mile.  I had already run six since my reintroduction to running and I didn't want to push it.  I walked to the park, to my grass-floored safe haven, and decided maybe I could run two.  It was so nice out.  I set my stuff down in the field that I was running on and told myself that maybe I could squeeze out three.  I wanted to get back to my normal mileage as soon as possible, after all.

So away I went, putting one foot in front of another for my little warm-up jog.  There was another runner doing circles around the field that I was cutting back and forth across.  He was fast.  His shorts revealed strong, practiced legs, and his brightly-colored shoes carried his body expertly and smoothly across the grass.  His posture was perfect and, essentially, he flew.

Immediately, I wanted to run like him.  I wanted to stop my silly jog and let myself go.  I wanted to find that pace that made me feel like a swiftly working machine and hold onto it, floating above the ground, feeling unstoppable with a speeding heart and a stable mind.

And then, before I had a chance to realize it, that fellow runner's beautiful form and speed inspired me... to stop running.

I finished my run after one very slow and meticulous mile.  I paid very careful attention to my form and made sure that my injured leg was behaving normally.  I did not rush and I did not push harder than I was sure my tender hip could handle.  I finished feeling strong, not beat, and happy with what I had accomplished in that run.

This run, this entire period of my running life, is not about finding my speed or running like a pro.  It is about slowing down and concentrating on what I am doing, easing my body back into doing what I love so that I can be stronger in the future.  I am building from the ground up so I can someday float at the peak of my potential more permanently, instead of crashing down with injury after one 'good' run or one 'good' race.

If I want to fly across the ground tomorrow, I have to be careful with what I am doing today.

Thank you, faster runner, for reminding me what I am working towards.

I. Am. ECSTATIC!

Since my last whiney post about my hip, there has been a lot of improvement.  Over the last week, the problem really turned from being strictly a sharp hip pain to general stiffness and seizing up of the rest of my leg, especially outer and inner quads.  My hip was healing,  but the rest of my upper leg was still working way harder than it normally would have to to get me around.  Luckily enough, that slight problem can be fixed with massage and foam rolling, both of which I have been doing and....

I CAN RUN AGAIN!

I can't full-out train or rush up to my normal mileage just yet.  My PT gave me a checkpoint-type list of 7 running drills, some with sub-drills, to work on.  They all involve slow, straight-lined running and gradual introduction of hills, turns, and increased speed.
I went out for my first "run" last night.  Shay came along to watch over in case anything went wrong and to yell at me to stop if my gait started looking funny (I was warned that I had to be very careful for pain or signs of decreased range of motion- these runs are more tests to see if my hip is ready to return to running than anything else).
Long story short, it was slow, but it was glorious.  No hip pain!  And I even felt stronger and more stable than I remember feeling on past runs.  My bum and hip exercises have done me wonders of good.

I have to run on grass for a while and the only place we could get to at the hour that we went out was a field in the middle of a 0.3 mile loop road.  So I just ran the 0.1 mile straight down the middle of it, back and forth, over and over, following the drill instructions, for 2.5 miles.  Repetitive, potentially boring, but I have never been happier.

Anyway, once I work through my slow and easy test run list (could take 3 days to a week), I can return to normal but abbreviated running.   I can start out at a 20 mile week and am supposed to take four weeks to get to 30 mpw and another four weeks to get up to 40 mpw.  I'll be continuing with the cross training that I have been doing so that I can be fit enough to get a few good races in before the year is out.


Let me tell you, I don't mind that my running has to be through boring drills for now and that my mileage will not be as high as I would like for quite some time.  I am just so intensely happy to get out the door and to put one foot in front of the other.
That's the silver lining to injuries- once on the mend, they renew your attitudes towards your running self to something completely pure.  The second you are out in the fresh air to run again, whatever emotional stress or expectations you normally lay on yourself disappear.  You are left alone with only the overwhelming thrill of movement.

Now, if you'll excuse me; it's a beautiful day for a run.

We All Have Our Quirks

Confession.  I have spent a good portion of the last 4 years becoming a total and complete running shoe nerd.  From the technologies to the marketing campaigns, every aspect of this sector of consumerism catches my attention.  I mean, I really can't think of another general product out there to which variation and personalization is so important (besides, maybe, coffee.  But that comparison is for another post).  There is a shoe for every runner, there is a shoe for every type of running.

Anyway.  I can subsequently identify the make and model of almost any pair of running sneaks that I see out in public, oftentimes by just a glance.  Should I be embarrassed of this?  Maybe.  Am I?  NOPE.

Diving into a pile of running shoes > diving into a pile of leaves
(photo via humanbeingactive.org)

I have been finding myself stuck inside for my workouts more and more lately and have thus come up with a good few ways to keep myself entertained in the static scenery of the gym.  Yeah, there are the typical methods- music, daydreaming, concentrating on the workout at hand much more intensely than necessary, etc.  Then there's the ever popular game of people watching.. but I don't exactly people watch.  Get ready for this: I shoe watch.  Weird?  Whatever!  The gym just so happens to house a lot of feet donning these pieces of technology, and I like to test my shoe IQ.

I, sort of involuntarily, have little internal conversation with myself about the shoes I see.  Make, model, characteristics, comparable shoes, type of running the person might be doing, things I like or dislike about that certain shoe, and, sometimes, whether a person would notice if I slipped a particularly nice pair off of their feet and ran...

And you know what?   You'd be amazed by the trends you notice in a crowd based off of the exercise gear on their feet.  I could go on and on about the observations I make about people's feet in the gym.  ...but I guess I won't.

And here goes my attempt to get a conversation going in my dull and lifeless blog:  Do you have any weird quirks or habits, related to running, the gym, or anything else?  I know I don't have many (any?) readers, but hey- you're reading this!  Cmon and leave some feedback, let me know I'm not alone in my bizarre behaviors.  Or just let me know how freakin weird I am.



P.S. Speaking of my running shoe obsession.. these just might be next on my list.

Brooks Launch.  Aww yeah.

(and so the Mizuno-Sarah-Brooks love triangle continues...)

Recent not-so-hip happenings

So.  I’m injured.  If you follow me on Twitter, my incessant whining and bitching would make it hard for you to not know this already.  

Last week, I had the most painful run of my life.

I stepped out of the door and was immediately overwhelmed by how gorgeous it was outside.  I soaked in some beautiful, autumn air. (Yes, it’s been cold enough to be autumn here for nearly a month now, but it’s now just getting to the nice transitionary phase between seasons that I love.  It’s the time of year where you can smell that the leaves are about to change; when most afternoons play with your senses to send you back to excited memories of Halloween evenings of your childhood.  At least, that’s what they do for me.)  The sun was laying down the perfect amount of warmth to counteract the crisp air, and the wind was blowing so slightly.  It was absolutely perfect running weather.

I have had an ache and occasional stabbing feeling in my hip for a while now.  I’ve rested it on and off and have gotten no relief, so I had been running through the pain for a while.  Running seemed to loosen it up and make it feel better, so I saw no reason to stop and was running on an injured leg for a few weeks.  Even though it was more painful than usual on this day, the weather was beautiful and I had a lot of energy.  I had a desire to run that pain couldn’t kill, so I trudged along anyway.  A half mile later, my hip did not warm up like it had been doing for the past few weeks. I felt like I was dragging my entire right leg along behind me.  The effort I was putting forward felt like a full-blown race pace, but my Garmin was reporting to me the slowest mile splits that I have run in years.  

Eventually I just couldn’t do it anymore.  I ended up in a park, laying on the grass trying to stretch out my hip and wake it the hell up.  I got no relief out of my funky stretches and looked up to see a dozen runners of all shapes and sizes exploring the park around me.  I wanted nothing more than to be one of them, running painlessly and carefree.  It felt like it had been months since I had experienced the blissful freedom of a run.  I was shackled by this hip stiffness and pain. I won’t lie to you: I cried.  There is no worse feeling than ending a run when you have so much left in you.  There is no worse pain than losing the joy of running.

(Dramatic anecdote over with) 

I made my first ever visit to a sports injury clinic the next day.  The physical therapist there did a quick analysis and said that I had either torn my hip flexor or have a case of bursitis.  She said that it would be best to try out treatment for the flexor before going for an expensive MRI to find out it if was bursitis, which would require a steroid injection to the hip joint (a much bigger deal than PT).

So she has been massaging my upper leg and giving me exercises to do while I give my hip a chance to heal.  I can do absolutely no running.  Yes, those words sounded like a death sentence.  I can, however, swim laps in the pool, which I have been doing religiously to maintain some sort of fitness.  It feels like I have been banned from running for a lifetime now, but it has only been a week.  Longest week of my LIFE.

Bad news: I haven’t felt any improvement in my hip so far.  Walking is very painful and if I ever have to pick up my pace to a light jog to catch a bus or something, it’s hell.  I will probably have to go for an MRI next week and find out if it’s bursitis or something more serious.  I have no idea when I’ll be able to run again.

Good news:  In a way, this break from running is kind of a good thing.  Kind of.  Maybe I’m grasping at straws to find a silver lining so that I can slow my spiraling runningless depression, but I am encountering a few positives to this situation.  

1. I have a lot more time to spend in the weight room.  I have been working on full body fitness and toning and I feel pretty good.  I’ve also been doing core work like it’s my job and I am starting to see the beginnings of a reemerged six pack :)
2. The PT exercises that I have to do to strengthen my hip were hell at first, but I’ve gotten a lot stronger in my hips, butt, and lower back.  Two benefits here: firstly, this will keep my hips more stable while I am running, which will prevent a re-injury.  Secondly, my nothing-to-write-home-about butt has turned into something I wouldn’t mind showing off in a pair of spandex shorts ;)
3. I am broadening my cardio horizons!  I kind of hate swimming sometimes, but since it is all that I am allowed, I am really learning how to get a good workout out of it.  For example, I did what I’ll call a tempo swim today. Translating running workouts to the pool makes the time spent there a lot more tolerable.
4. Most significantly, I am learning, yet again, how much running means to me.  I appreciate that I have been graced with a body that can bring me so much joy through my chosen sport, and I will be so thrilled when it is healthy enough to run again.  I won’t have any shortage of motivation to get out there every day once I am allowed back on the roads.

So there’s my current dilemma and the good things that are coming from the bad.  Hopefully I will be running again sooner rather than later and I will be able to run a few shorter races towards the end of the fall season.  I have been doing a lot of thinking about my future in terms of college and in running.  I would really like to work on my 5 and 10k times now so that I might be able to worm my way onto a cross country team back in the states next year.  I have my eye set on one school in particular, but that’s for a later post.

Sidenote:  I think that I should take this moment to put out a big thank you to my boyfriend Shay.  

When I started running, my mom was always the one supporting me, listening to me babble about my workouts, driving with me to races, waiting for me at the finish line, getting the food in me that I needed to succeed in my little conquests. She sure let me know how hard it is to be the pit crew of a distance runner, and I will always be grateful for the hours that she spent supporting me and for the patience that she had in enduring my mood swings throughout a training season and individual race days.  (love you, mom!) 

But poor Shay has more of a choice in sticking around throughout my insanity than my mom has had, and, he's still here!  I have been somewhat of a nightmare during this injured period, and he has been a serious trooper.  So, thank you, Shay.  For the swimsuit and goggles, and for your patience as I try very hard not to be a bloodsucking demon in my endorphin-deprived state.

So that’s that.  Another self-centered post.  I promise I won’t make this a habit.